Tips for New Caregivers of Elderly Relatives

More than ever, family members are providing some or all care to their elderly and disabled relatives. These family members tend to be in their 40s and 50s, caring for a parent and sometimes for their own children, as well. (They are known as the “sandwich generation.”)

While many happily provide this care, it can be physically and mentally strenuous, and there is so little preparation and support for the first time caregiver. Here’s our caregiver guide covering some fundamentals of caregiving.

(And while we’re assuming your loved one has already agreed to caregiving help, here are some tips if you’re still broaching this difficult subject with them.)

Preparation Tips for Caregiving Duties

The first step in caring for an elderly parent should be communication with your siblings on who will do what. While it is unfortunately common for one child to take on the bulk of caregiving, you can minimize friction with your siblings and keep responsibilities more manageable by explicitly assigning duties. Depending on your family, you may also need to agree on a care plan with a spouse, aunts and uncles, in-laws, or others.

Next, research your loved one’s medical conditions. Learn about symptoms, treatments, and accommodations needed. Learn from reputable sources, like medical/hospital websites, books by credentialed experts, and your loved one’s healthcare providers (who can give you specific information on their health status and progression).

Know:

• what medications are typically prescribed for their conditions, and why
• whether there are lifestyle factors to consider, like nutrition that would support their health and everyday wellbeing
• whether they’ll need aids and implements at some stage of their illness

Collect and organize their healthcare documentation—doctor and hospital contacts (including their dentist, optometrist, physical therapist, and any others), prescription documents, and a timeline of past surgeries, doctor appointments, and chronic illness flare-ups. This will help you get the most out of medical visits and fill out the paperwork.

Beyond focus on health conditions, caregiver responsibilities for elderly relatives usually include financial care. This can look like paying bills on time, depositing checks, and managing income and expenses. This may also include closing accounts or credit cards and—often—paying for both everyday needs and medical care. Research whether your state offers subsidies or grants for family caregivers (many do this through a Medicaid stipend) or if aid is available for your loved one’s specific health needs.

In this vein, speak to an attorney, especially one well-versed in elder law. (You can search for one at the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys website or at the one for the National Elder Law Foundation). They can help your family with basics such as power of attorney, estate planning, and long term care funding.

Establishing Routine for New Caregivers

Whether you are choosing to care for your relative in your home or theirs, their environment needs to be assessed for risks that have lain invisible until now. This includes slick floors, dark stairways, high cabinets, and bathtub-showers that require stepping over. Home modifications should be made to prevent falls and make daily life easier. An occupational therapist can offer expertise here, too.

Daily routines help elderly relatives adapt to altered circumstances and feel safer. They also help busy caregivers feel more control over their many responsibilities, and they reduce the chance of mistakes like missed medications. Routines to consider include:

• bathing and dressing
• regular mealtimes
• appropriate exercise
• socialization with family, friends, clubs, or religious community
• regular sleep times
• regular medication times
• activities like time in nature, creativity/crafts, listening to or playing music, watching favorite TV shows or movies, listening to podcasts, doing puzzles, playing board or card games, etc. (as long as they are enjoyed and provide mental stimulation)
• appropriate chores that feel productive and empowering
• spiritual or religious activities, like prayer, meditation, or daily devotions

Seniors who newly need care can feel a reduced sense of autonomy and purpose. Mindfully building their days around routines can help them and you.

Tips for Self Care

Caregivers are vulnerable to burnout and compassion fatigue. This does not mean they don’t love or want to help their parents who need care, but is a natural result of being human and having limited time and energy. Caregivers need rest—physical, mental, and emotional rest—every day, and their needs can easily fall by the wayside as they try to care for others.

Compassion fatigue has warning signs like irritability, apathy, resentment, anxiety, and isolation. It affects your entire life, worsening mood and even physical health. Prevent compassion fatigue by:

• prioritizing daily basic needs, like eating meals and sleeping enough hours each day
• socializing with friends
• exercising regularly (this can be as simple as a daily 15-minute walk around your neighborhood)
• taking time for favorite activities and hobbies

Many caregivers find it hugely helpful to plug into a caregiver community, whether in-person or virtual. The Family Caregiver Alliance has a national, message-based online group, while the Caregiver Action Network offers peer-to-peer support matching. Your loved one’s healthcare provider may also have referrals to local groups, as might your senior center, house of worship, or local nonprofits serving families affected by conditions like cancer or Parkinson’s. The federal Administration for Community Living also has a network of Area Agencies on Aging; your local AAA might also be able to refer you to a good-fit community for caregivers.

Caregivers should also consider respite care as part of their care tool belt. This can be provided by adult day cares, in-home professionals, or even by trusted friends and family members. It is vital that caregivers become comfortable asking for help; this is not an endeavor to take on alone!

Caregiver advice is available in the form of books and podcasts, as well. These resources help reduce your isolation and provide helpful experience.

Caring for a family member is a demanding role few people feel prepared for, but help is closer than you think in the form of information, relationships, and professionals.

If your loved one needs home care, our VetAssist mission is to make home care easily and quickly accessible for those who qualify through the VA Pension with Aid and Attendance benefit. Veterans Home Care can help you determine whether you or your loved one will be eligible to receive the benefit, which can cover some or all of the cost of home care, and we make it easy to apply. Chat with us via our website, or call us at (888) 314-6075.